Sunday, August 30, 2009

I Love You

Today thirteen years ago I was married.

That day started out pretty stressful. The power in the hotel we were staying at went out during the night so the alarm didn't go off. I was woken up by my soon to be sister in laws knocking on the door to see if my younger sisters wanted to walk over to the temple grounds with them while the wedding was going on. Needless to say, I was late. I think my mom, dad, and I were the last of the wedding guests to arrive at the temple. Their were other minor complications, but all of that faded to black once I was kneeing opposite Gentry and I felt the spirit's rush of emotion.
I knew the Lord was pleased with me and my desire to be there. I felt like I was having the most intimate moment of my relationship with Gentry up to that point and embarrassed that their were so many people there to observe it. I felt a connection with Gentry I had never felt with anyone and was so happy that the Lord was binding us together for eternity. It was a moment I will always remember.

I got lucky. Knowing what I know now, I went blindly into marriage. I had/have great role models in my parents. They have always been in love. They had arguments through out my growing up years, but they seemed to be only that. Arguments rather than fights. I never thought that they weren't committed to each other. They were married in the temple and they are going to be married for eternity. I also had a really great ward during my teen years that as far as I knew everyone was happily married. Looking around at all the families during sacrament meeting I would see benches filled with children of all ages with a mom and dad.
Marriage was something I looked foreword to and always figured it would work out. After only thirteen years I now pray that it will. I have now seen and heard too many couples where it didn't. It is always heart breaking.

I am in love with Gentry in a way that I couldn't have possibly been thirteen years ago. So here is my top thirteen reason why I am in love with this amazing man.
First and for most because he loves me. I am so lucky to have him put up with me every day for all these years. (My own mother can't do that) He loves me in spite of all of my short comings day in and day out. I felt lucky when he choose me, but after all this time I know I am truly blessed that he continues to choose me.
For the way he makes up for me. Where I end early, he finishes to the end. When I am not strong enough, or smart enough, or brave enough, or just enough, he is.
Because he works so hard to provide for us.
I am in love with Gentry because he wrestles with our boys. He gets down and plays with them. He connects with them in a way that is important to our family.
I am also in love with him because he makes my girls feel like he is their prince. Peaches knows that she is a princess, and she thinks that Daddy is her prince. He dances with her, he sings to her, he kisses the hurts, and reads her books. He tells her she is beautiful everyday and makes her feel special. Already he does the same for Isabel. I am sure our next girl will feel just as lucky.
He sacrifices for me. He will give up his desires for mine.
Because he cares about the people in his life. He really loves others, and that is quiet endearing.
I love him because he is a peacemaker. He is so good at seeing the other side. He is still trying to teach me how to say "I am sorry."
I love that he respects me. This summer I was too close to three different married men that disrespected their wives in a way that is shameful. I am so grateful that Gentry respects me enough not to carry on in a way that would make me embarrassed of him or our relationship.
I am in love with him because he still turns me on.
Because he is my biggest fan.
For his dreams. And because he lets me be a part of them.
I love Gentry because he leads our family in spirituality. His righteousness effects the rest of us. I am grateful that he desires to be closer to the Lord and takes steps to continue to be headed in that direction.

I know that Gentry never reads my blog. This post was really for me. I look forward to the day when I can look back at this and add to it 25 more years and reasons why.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

What are you having?

I am so lucky to have
They have filled my life with Starwars, sports equiptment, cars and Legos.
I have also been blessed with
They have brought me dress up clothes, babies, princesses, hair fun, and so much chatter.
I hope my next GIRL enriches my life just as much. We can't wait!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Last Sunday night, I was home with the kiddo's in bed, bored with no hubby... and decided I should take advantage of my single girl time and watch a chick flick or two. I didn't want to run to red box (it was Sunday!) so I googled "free movies on line" a list came up and I searched through a few until I found "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock. Watched it (terrible quality) and when I was done, my anti-virus software started going buzzurk! I didn't know exactly what to do so I shut my computer down and went to sleep for the night. Monday morning as soon as I turn on my computer it starts flashing warnings and telling me to fix this and that... I click to have it fixed but the TROJAN virus has taken over not only some of my programs but my inter net.
At this point I don't really know what to do. I don't want to wait until Gentry gets back to Utah to figure it out, so I finally call my brother that lives only three doors down to get his advice. He suggest calling someone in my ward who wanted to help but didn't want me to get my hopes up. After all a virus that shuts down your inter net is serious. My brother also calls a friend who suggests down loading a couple different programs. After an entire evening of trying to purge my computer of all the crap I am back on line! Thank you Chad and Thank you Dan! Hello world.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Baby Baby

I am already feeling better. Just a tough day yesterday.
I haven't announced here yet, but I am pregnant with our fifth baby!
We have a due date and sex (but I am not yet ready to put that on the internet) and we are so excited!
I have gone through the sick stage where I throw up daily and that has subsided. I am so tired now I just need more sleep. But with four others that gets tricky. I am emotional and food just doesn't sound good. I know I need to eat on a more regular basis, to keep my energy up, but I am never "in the mood".
I think I look HUGE for this stage, but I know weight is part of it. I just wish it didn't make me feel like my chest was going to explode or that my bum was too big for my pants. I am not looking forward to stretch marks or water retention.
Since I moved Gentry from a large apartment to a smaller one last week and packed myself and the kids up from the entire summer I think I over did it a bit. Lifting things that were too heavy and not drinking enough is not a good thing any time.
All in all we are happy to be adding to our family. I know it is more stress, more money, more years of sacrifice... but in the end, my children have brought me more joy than anything else. They are worth all the effort I give and even more. A new baby. What a blessing!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

I had a really really hard day today.
So much is going on and I am feeling completely over whelmed.
Court's first day of school.
Tate's too. (I didn't know until we got there to drop Court off)
He said to me, "Mommy I am going to try and be brave" when I tell him he is going to kindergarten in two minutes.
I cried the whole drive home.
My yard needs so much work that even if I wasn't pregnant, I don't know how I could get it all done. Not to mention that I came home to a next door neighbor that put up a fence between our front yards. This is against the rules of our home owners association, and Gentry and I have had talk after talk with them about not wanting it to go in.
I worry about Gentry while I am away. I don't do anything special, but we need each other.
I am feeling a bit hopeless. I think the baby blues (during pregnancy) have hit.
I feel like there is nothing to look foreword too.
It brings to mind the hymn, "Where Can I Turn for Peace" and in it the answer. To the Lord.
I guess I had better get on my knees because I need to feel His love and support.
My hope is tomorrow is a good day for all.