My First Days on Prozac

I got a prescription for my hormones. Called Fluoxetine, it is the generic brand for Prozac. I picked this up on Monday afternoon and then after reading all the "literature" they sent me home with I decided I would take it just before I got into bed since I am suppose to take it at the same time everyday and the side effects often make you drowsy (or affect you adversely and make you wired). I have never taken any medication for anything except for antibiotics when I have some kind of infection or for pain just after having a baby. I didn't think I would have any hang ups about it. I guess I was wrong.
While standing at the sink filling up my glass I saw my reflection in the mirror and thought to myself, "how did I get here?" "do I really want to take this?" "are the side effects worth the benefits?" "how long will I have to be on medication?" "can't I just tough it out and do it without drugs?" The tears ran freely down my face and soaked my neck. I said a quick prayer for the strength to give myself relief. I knew my emotional response to the medication was directly related to my depression and so I turned from the mirror and took my first little blue and grey pill. It went down so easily I didn't even feel it in my trout. I turned out the light and got into bed. All night I tossed and turned. Waking every few hours wrestling with thoughts of how the medication could be changing me, how it could effect my baby. I woke in the morning neither feeling rested nor any more tired than I do normally. I tried to get done everything I would have liked to for the day and came up short as I do almost everyday now. I thought about the medication and talked about it with a couple friends. Then Tuesday night it came time to take the next one. I again cried while filling my glass with water but swallowed it right down. I slept better but not great. Both Tuesday and again today I have had a dull head ache. I don't know if it is a side effect to the medication, part of my pregnancy, or my lack of sleep but I cry because of that too.
It's so silly to cry over such small things. Which is exactly why I need this medication. I do not want to cry over every small little thing. I cry because my six year old tells me I am a mean mom, I cry because my mom calls and leaves me a message, I cry because my daughter asks for a snuggle and I don't have the strength to read a few books to her, I cry because my husband wants to go after talking to me on phone for a while, I cry because I seem to always be running late, I cry because my laundry feels as if it will never get caught up. I cry because I am not enough. I am going to continue taking the medication at least for two weeks. I want to stop crying and move into the light.