Finley Wedding

My baby sister got married! I can't believe it. When I got married she was eight and now my ten year old is going to her wedding. She was absolutely beautiful and beaming the whole day.

Here are my kids waiting for Joey and Emily to come out of the temple

Everything went smoothly as far as Emily and Joey knew. We did have a couple mishaps. Teri got sick during the ceremony and was barely able to keep her breakfast down, Isabel spilled a full glass of water on the woman across the table from her at lunch (sorry again Stacy Shaha), and Maya threw up on three guest open toed shoes at the reception. I think it is those mishaps that make it memorable for me. Everyone laughed it off and could see the humor in it.

It was great to spend that day and the days surrounding with the whole Smith family; Chad and Teri family (that moved shortly after to the East coast), Sean and Spring family from Florida, Doug and Joanna family from Georgia, and now Joey and Emily. The cousins all had a great time. Tate and Brynn have a very specail bond. He really misses her now that she has moved.

The very best part of the wedding was seeing Emily so happy. I have loved Joey for years. Having him join the family was a formality as far as I was concerned.

Confession

It's time for me to come clean. I had a bit of a relapse with depression. Nothing big. We had been pretty busy in the evenings lately. Pulling out all the boxes of kid clothes we have, going through every one's drawer, then resorting everything for what fits. I have gone through all my baby girl clothes from size 0 to 1 year. Now everything is sorted for every three months and put together. It has led to more than a few late nights and I have gone to bed anxious for sleep. Thanksgiving came and went. We spent most of the weekend at my parents house in Draper. Then just busy preparation for Christmas. I have forgotten to take my medicine. Taking my medicine had just become part of the routine. I didn't really think about it much. I was feeling sluggish, but didn't think anything of it. Then one day every time I would catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I would have some kind of negative internal voice. "You are getting so fat" "Even with make-up you look tired" "Your skin is looking worse than ever" "How much more stretching can your body handle?" "Sick!" on and on... til that night I was wondering why I was feeling that way. After all I had called my doctor and talked to him about how I was feeling a while ago. Wasn't that why I got a prescription? Wait a minute you mean the medicine sitting next to my sink doesn't help me unless I take it every night like it says on the side of the bottle? OH! I guess I will pay more attention to that from now on. I am doing better and now when I catch a glimpse of myself all I think is how ready I am to have this baby!

Kindle

For Christmas I am asking for a Kindle. I have wanted one since I first heard about them from Oprah and now I am ready!
I have been looking at all I can on line, but I feel there is so much to learn.
I saw there were hundreds of free books for the Kindle and have picked out a few that I want. I have looked for some titles and found most easily. I couldn't find "To Kill a Mockingbird" so I am assuming that it is not available on the Kindle but and not familiar enough with the site to know for sure.
I also saw that you could categorized the titles you do have so that got me thinking about what is the best way to do that. Maybe area's like "classics", "sci-fi", "adventure", "Court's options", "children's", "romance", and "favorites" is the way to go... but we will see.
If anyone has one or knows a bunch about them that has some advice, I would love it. I can't wait!

Check Them Out!

Check out these pictures of my kiddo's! (On the side bar) I know I am their mother and so maybe I shouldn't say it, but I think they are so beautiful. I am blessed to have such wonderful children. Even more blessed to feel unconditional love for them. I LOVE the pictures. Hope you enjoy them too.

God is a God of Miracles

On Sunday I gave a short talk in church. I grew from preparing it and want to "live better and love more" so I thought I would share it.

God Is a God of Miracles
I just spent May, June, July, and half August in Chicago. So much has changed in the ward in that time. We have many new families and it is clear that time has passed. Since driving my pregnant self and four kids across the country I have gone through a lot. Gentry needed to stay behind and finish up his work for two more weeks while the boys started school. Then after just over a week of him being home we decided that it would be best for us if he went to Washington DC for the month to take advantage of a work opportunity. Leaving me home to take care of all that needed to be done here. During this time I started a spiral progression down, suffering from depression. I prayed for a miracle.
Today I am going to talk about miracles. What is a miracle? Raising the dead? Walking on water? Man flying? The birth of a baby? Flowers in the spring? A loaf of bread?
The Bible Dictionary defines Miracles in part like this: “Miracles are a response to faith, and its best encouragement. They were never wrought without prayer, felt need, and faith.”
Joseph Smith experienced a truly great miracle. At fourteen he was visited by God the father and his son Jesus Christ. As he shared this and other miracles with others he was met with skeptics and many “non-believers”. He responded as he was instructed in the scriptures. “He that seeketh signs shall see signs, but not unto salvation,” (D & C 63:7) “Faith cometh not by signs, but signs follow those that believe. … Wherefore, I, the Lord, am not pleased with those among you who have sought after signs and wonders for faith, and not for the good of men unto my glory.” (D&C 63:9–12.) Faith must proceed the miracle, not be the result of it. To some it may seem preposterous that we must believe first and then ask God if it be true.
The bible dictionary concludes its definition of Miracles like this: “Miracles are a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. If miracles cease it is because faith has ceased.”
Since faith plays such a big part of this I turned to Alma 32 to help me define Faith: “Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; Ye cannot know of their surety at first… But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.”
As I prayed for a miracle of my own only a few months ago, I knew that my Heavenly Father was aware of me and I hoped that He would answer my prayer. Now that I am through it, I can look back and see that even while asking I was in the mist of just such a miracle. I was able to talk about my struggles. I had great support from many of you. Calls checking up on me, words of encouragement and advice, opportunities of service, dinner brought to me, a loaf of bread to lift my spirits. I took action and called my doctor, and was able to quickly find relief. In my own little world I experience a great miracle.
President Spencer W. Kimball taught us with a book by the title Faith Precedes the Miracle. But there is, of course, an increase of faith that should follow the miracle as well. As a result of the many miracles in our lives, we should be more humble and more grateful, more kind and more believing. When we are personal witnesses to these wonders which God performs, it should increase our respect and love for him; it should improve the way we behave. We will live better and love more if we will remember that. We are miracles in our own right, every one of us, and the resurrected Son of God is the greatest miracle of all. He is, indeed, the miracle of miracles, and every day of his life he gave evidence of it. We should try to follow after him in that example.
Moroni quotes his father in the Book of Mormon:
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, have miracles ceased because Christ hath ascended into heaven? … Has the day of miracles ceased?” (Moro. 7:27, 35)
“I say unto you, Nay; neither have angels ceased to minister unto the children of men. … [nor will they], so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved.” (Moro 7:29, 36)

God is a God of Miracles. They happen every single day. It is my prayer that we go to Him in times of need and then recognize Him in our lives. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

PICTURES

Our family took pictures on Sunday. I can't believe I let someone take pictures of me seven months pregnant, but there you go. Thank goodness our photographer is good at editing.

Wicked Spooky Fun

Halloween this year was a bit lower key than other years. I didn't even put up decorations till the week before. I didn't make or stress over any one's costume. We didn't carve pumpkins. But we all had a lot of fun. Thursday Peach had a Halloween Party in Pre-School. She was a very cute flapper girl. If you were to ask her she said she was a "shake shake girl" accompanied with the motions. Friday both the boys dressed up for school parties. Court ended up going as an Olympic skier. Tate a Kong Fu fighter. Friday night Gentry and I attended a party and went as clowns (maybe the nightmare type of clowns even though that wasn't our intention) and Saturday for trick or treating Isabel was a witch. We had so many trick or treaters come to our house I was worried we would run out of candy. I think we had about 200 kids. Very very fun! I am already looking foreword to next year.

Platinum

I love Gentry's job. I LOVE the people he works with and I am so happy with the way it has changed our life. I know we must look crazy to some when it comes to taking the kids across country for the summer but it is AWESOME!!!

I love that I was able to living in Charlotte for three months. I got to visit my sister in Georgia. I was able to go to events and sights in North Carolina and experience the South in a way I would not have been able to by just visiting. I feel like I got to know people and experience the culture of that region.

This year we were in Chicago for four month. What a great city! I really fell in love with it. I would be happy to raise my family there. We went to museums and even got to go to a lot of the church sites like Nauvoo and Carthage. My week was filled with two "outings", like The Field Museum or The Aquarium, and we would go to the library at least once during the week. Then we had a weekly luncheon and a park day with all the kids. It is the best way to spend the summer. I was able to just be mom and my days were filled with paying attention to my kids.

Platinum Security had their end of year events and then started with the training for this next year. Lots of fun. Dinner and awards. Great guest speakers. Trainings. Even paint balling.

Gentry and I met with our management team from last year. We got then all gifts and compensation for all that they did to make our office the success it was. All of it has led to us thinking a lot about this next year. We have talked to our key players and can not wait to make it what we want it to be. Already we feel more secure and able to combat what lies ahead. I can't wait.

Get Away

I took a little trip just to get away. I just wanted to not have to think about carpooling or dishes, laundry or faces to wipe. I wasn't trying to get away from the kids or hubby, just wanting to get away from all that goes along with it.

So for three days I headed to Park City with Jacey. It was fabulous! We stayed at the Marriott Hotel. Our room was beautiful and the location was central to everything we wanted to do.

Monday we walked main street. We went in the Family History Center and got some great suggestions of places to eat and where the movie theaters were. I got some "stocking stuffers" and a cool shirt from the Harley Davidson store for Gentry. We had a late lunch and then went to "Whip It" the roller derby movie out right now with Ellen Page. It felt so good to be sitting in an empty theater with popcorn and a slurpee at four in the afternoon. (Especially after calling Gentry and hearing Isabel throwing a fit in the background.) We then checked into the hotel, relaxed and then went to dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. The night was spent talking and relaxing in bed.

Tuesday we slept in and only got up when we had to in order to make it on time to our pedicures. He had the best pedicure I have ever had with a foot massage and mud wrap. It was a two hour experience of pure bliss. Then off for lunch and some shopping at the outlet stores. I got the kids the cutest Sunday clothes for winter. I can't wait to take pictures of them all in them. Then off for another movie. This time we went to "Fame". I wasn't expecting much from this because it got really poor reviews but I surprisingly liked it. It wasn't realistic in any way but a fun, up beat film that Gentry would never want to see. Perfect for my day off.

Wednesday was another slow starting morning, and then we headed to Salt Lake. I took Jacey to one of my favorite baby boutiques and then we looked for something we could wear to an event we were both going to that weekend. We ended our time together with more food. Lunch at Red Butte Cafe. I had the most delicious fish tacos.

The time left me feeling happy to head home and appreciative of Gentry who thought it was a great idea to take some time to myself while he was Mr Mom. I had the best time and want to make something like this a yearly tradition.

Over due trip to Monticello

For fall break we all headed to Monticello for a mini vaca with Grammy and Grandpa Ramsay. We had such a great time.
Highlights:
Isabel asserted her Independence more through out the week. She is really starting to talk and demand what she wants.
Peaches had her birthday, turning four and was spoiled rotten. Court gave here a perfect night time package. Jammie's, books, and a flashlight. Tate gave her a ballerina dress up outfit with fairy wings. I gave her clothes and a coat. Grammy and Grandpa gave a "paper doll" set of a princess and a ballerina made of wood and magnets. Granny gave Peaches two necklaces that she loves but I think will only mean more to her as she grows older. But her most special gift of the day was from Daddy. Gentry gave Peach a necklace that sparkled and said "Daddy's Girl" and three little rings. Peach had him help her put them on and then holds her hands together and looks Daddy in his eyes and says, "I think I'm in love." (She may have seen one too many Princess movies) It is so fun to have a girl that is growing older.
Tate loved driving the tractor with Grandpa. He got to run over an old shed and help gather scraps from around the farm to make a huge wood pile. He also loved riding around on the lawn mower while Court mowed the back yard for Grandpa.
Court got to light the bond fire! A cub scout dream to start a fire that grows bigger than a house. It grew so big and hot no one could stand with in 50 feet of it. He also won the high score on the pinball machine in Kevin and Robin's basement. A score that uncle Brady has held for quite a while.
Gentry spent some time putting siding and roofing on a shed at the farm with Justin, Kevin and his Grandpa. I think that is how he bonds with them. They all had a good time. We also got to drive Kevin's T Bird. All the kids got a ride and the boys thought they were the bomb!
I enjoyed my time most spending it with one of Gentry's favorite people, his Granny. She is so sweet and it was nice to feel like I was making a difference in her day. We talked and she painted. We even snuggled on her bed and watched an old TV show. Nothing big, just our hearts binding together. It was fun to learn that she likes ice cream just as much as I do as an evening snack.
We all enjoyed the beginning of the drive home from Monticello to Moab. Through out the years we have all gotten to know the names of certain rock formations through out the area. We have named some of our own after each child. This trip we found a formation that looked like a bell and we named it "Izzy's Bell." One more thing to look for each time we go. Kevin and Robin are always so good to us. We had such a great time and can't wait for the next time we will be headed down to Monticello.

Hello me

My sister is texting me to update the blog. I have been a bit neglectful. So many little events in our life have been going on. Gentry is home! After a month of being in Wash, DC for work he got back to us and we were so glad. Everyone missed him. So we had a lot of catching up to do.

I look back on everything I have gone through in the past month and can see now how much I was blessed. Because Gentry was away I saw the signs of depression quickly and called the doctor right away. If he was here I think I would have just blamed the moodiness on pregnancy and made excuses to myself. I also had to get going everyday. If he was here, I would have pulled the covers over my head and had Gentry help get everyone ready and to school. I would not have eaten as well as I did because I would have made Gentry take care of food for the kids and just have gone hungry. I was the only parent here and I had to think about all that everyone else needed. Although that added to my stress, it gave me a purpose.

I am back to being me. About three days after my last post I found myself singing to the radio and loving the feel of the sun on my face. I caught myself and thought, "oh yeah, this is what it feels like to be me." I hadn't even realized the pieces that were missing until they were coming back. It is good to be back to myself. The head aches left about the same time the depression left. It is a blessing to be living in a day and age when I can take medication to feel like myself.

Things are Looking UP

I may just be feeling back to my self. I am tired all the time, feeling like my body is 60 and moody, but I am not crying at everything and nothing. Things must be getting better. Now I had better stop complaining and just get to getting the work done.
Gentry is going to be home in the next few days after a month of being away and we couldn't be looking foreword to that more. The kids and I have missed him terribly! Then I told him I need a few days of girl time. I want a few days away with something fun to do. Not too much to ask. Just a break from carpool, dishes, laundry, meals and whining (I don't even want to take my own). If anyone would like to get away, give me a call.

Emotional Update

A bunch of people are asking me how I am doing and I am not really sure. I haven't felt a big up take. Yesterday and the day before I was feeling like I had to drag myself around the whole day, but on a good note, I didn't cry once yesterday. I still have the head ache (please go away!) I don't have a surge of energy or feel like everything is great, but I don't know if I will. I am pregnant so my energy level is going to be a bit low. I am under plenty of stress, so of course I am going to continue to feel that too. I guess I don't know what the drugs are suppose to do for me. Not crying at everything was the goal, so maybe it is working. I think it had more to do with the fact that I didn't really go anywhere or talk to anyone so nothing set me off. But I still think it is a small success. Hopefully things keep getting better.

A Week with Stuff To Do

This week has gone by pretty slow but my schedule was pretty full. This is a blessing because I needed a reason to get going. Tuesday and Thursday morning I taught our little neighborhood preschool. Tuesday night I went VT-ing and then again Wednesday morning. I meet with some of the neighborhood gals Tuesday, Wednesday night I went to a movie viewing with a bunch of my book club girls. Thursday I made dinner for a ward member (thanks for your help and company Janette) and then since their was so much of it, I shared with a couple others. Friday I went to Pioneer Memorial Theater with my parents and grandma that is in town from Canada. And then today I visited with Jen, a friend I spent the summer with. I am so grateful for a week with things to do. If not, who knows if I would spend my days in my jammies and for everyone to end up eating cereal three times a day. Yuck! It is much better this way.
I haven't really seen an improvement in my mood since starting Prozac on Monday but I think it is suppose to take some time. I have had the dull head ache everyday since, but I am still not sure what to blame that on. I am sleeping better. I still cry very easily. I have made more of an effort with the kids. I try not to snap and I give then the attention they need even when I don't feel like it. I am just a lot more aware. Hopefully I see the effects kick in soon. I am ready.

My First Days on Prozac

I got a prescription for my hormones. Called Fluoxetine, it is the generic brand for Prozac. I picked this up on Monday afternoon and then after reading all the "literature" they sent me home with I decided I would take it just before I got into bed since I am suppose to take it at the same time everyday and the side effects often make you drowsy (or affect you adversely and make you wired). I have never taken any medication for anything except for antibiotics when I have some kind of infection or for pain just after having a baby. I didn't think I would have any hang ups about it. I guess I was wrong.
While standing at the sink filling up my glass I saw my reflection in the mirror and thought to myself, "how did I get here?" "do I really want to take this?" "are the side effects worth the benefits?" "how long will I have to be on medication?" "can't I just tough it out and do it without drugs?" The tears ran freely down my face and soaked my neck. I said a quick prayer for the strength to give myself relief. I knew my emotional response to the medication was directly related to my depression and so I turned from the mirror and took my first little blue and grey pill. It went down so easily I didn't even feel it in my trout. I turned out the light and got into bed. All night I tossed and turned. Waking every few hours wrestling with thoughts of how the medication could be changing me, how it could effect my baby. I woke in the morning neither feeling rested nor any more tired than I do normally. I tried to get done everything I would have liked to for the day and came up short as I do almost everyday now. I thought about the medication and talked about it with a couple friends. Then Tuesday night it came time to take the next one. I again cried while filling my glass with water but swallowed it right down. I slept better but not great. Both Tuesday and again today I have had a dull head ache. I don't know if it is a side effect to the medication, part of my pregnancy, or my lack of sleep but I cry because of that too.
It's so silly to cry over such small things. Which is exactly why I need this medication. I do not want to cry over every small little thing. I cry because my six year old tells me I am a mean mom, I cry because my mom calls and leaves me a message, I cry because my daughter asks for a snuggle and I don't have the strength to read a few books to her, I cry because my husband wants to go after talking to me on phone for a while, I cry because I seem to always be running late, I cry because my laundry feels as if it will never get caught up. I cry because I am not enough. I am going to continue taking the medication at least for two weeks. I want to stop crying and move into the light.

Give me drugs

My house is a mess.
I am emotionally unstable.
My kids all need baths.
I am stressed to the max.
When is this feeling going to end?

Either when I give birth or I get on medication.
I can't wait until birth so I am calling my Dr.

Here is to better days.

Labor Day Weekend

For Labor day weekend we had a great time. Friday we got pizza and then everyone snuggled in my bed to watch a movie we rented. Saturday we got some work done in the yard and then went to a family birthday party. Sunday was church and then off to Payson Lakes for a bit of camping. We haven't been at all this summer (and didn't go last summer) so it was well past due. We met up with Landon and Jacey's family and Chance and Brooke's family which only makes these kind of things more fun. The kids had a great time eating hot dogs, fishing, shooting the BB gun, roasting marsh mellows, and getting DIRTY! I had a great time relaxing in such a beautiful country but my body did not agree with sleeping on the ground in a tent meant for four with Isabel and kicky-Peach as bed companions. Gentry ditched me half way through the night and slept in the car. Not cool. We had a great time.

I Love You

Today thirteen years ago I was married.

That day started out pretty stressful. The power in the hotel we were staying at went out during the night so the alarm didn't go off. I was woken up by my soon to be sister in laws knocking on the door to see if my younger sisters wanted to walk over to the temple grounds with them while the wedding was going on. Needless to say, I was late. I think my mom, dad, and I were the last of the wedding guests to arrive at the temple. Their were other minor complications, but all of that faded to black once I was kneeing opposite Gentry and I felt the spirit's rush of emotion.
I knew the Lord was pleased with me and my desire to be there. I felt like I was having the most intimate moment of my relationship with Gentry up to that point and embarrassed that their were so many people there to observe it. I felt a connection with Gentry I had never felt with anyone and was so happy that the Lord was binding us together for eternity. It was a moment I will always remember.

I got lucky. Knowing what I know now, I went blindly into marriage. I had/have great role models in my parents. They have always been in love. They had arguments through out my growing up years, but they seemed to be only that. Arguments rather than fights. I never thought that they weren't committed to each other. They were married in the temple and they are going to be married for eternity. I also had a really great ward during my teen years that as far as I knew everyone was happily married. Looking around at all the families during sacrament meeting I would see benches filled with children of all ages with a mom and dad.
Marriage was something I looked foreword to and always figured it would work out. After only thirteen years I now pray that it will. I have now seen and heard too many couples where it didn't. It is always heart breaking.

I am in love with Gentry in a way that I couldn't have possibly been thirteen years ago. So here is my top thirteen reason why I am in love with this amazing man.
First and for most because he loves me. I am so lucky to have him put up with me every day for all these years. (My own mother can't do that) He loves me in spite of all of my short comings day in and day out. I felt lucky when he choose me, but after all this time I know I am truly blessed that he continues to choose me.
For the way he makes up for me. Where I end early, he finishes to the end. When I am not strong enough, or smart enough, or brave enough, or just enough, he is.
Because he works so hard to provide for us.
I am in love with Gentry because he wrestles with our boys. He gets down and plays with them. He connects with them in a way that is important to our family.
I am also in love with him because he makes my girls feel like he is their prince. Peaches knows that she is a princess, and she thinks that Daddy is her prince. He dances with her, he sings to her, he kisses the hurts, and reads her books. He tells her she is beautiful everyday and makes her feel special. Already he does the same for Isabel. I am sure our next girl will feel just as lucky.
He sacrifices for me. He will give up his desires for mine.
Because he cares about the people in his life. He really loves others, and that is quiet endearing.
I love him because he is a peacemaker. He is so good at seeing the other side. He is still trying to teach me how to say "I am sorry."
I love that he respects me. This summer I was too close to three different married men that disrespected their wives in a way that is shameful. I am so grateful that Gentry respects me enough not to carry on in a way that would make me embarrassed of him or our relationship.
I am in love with him because he still turns me on.
Because he is my biggest fan.
For his dreams. And because he lets me be a part of them.
I love Gentry because he leads our family in spirituality. His righteousness effects the rest of us. I am grateful that he desires to be closer to the Lord and takes steps to continue to be headed in that direction.


I know that Gentry never reads my blog. This post was really for me. I look forward to the day when I can look back at this and add to it 25 more years and reasons why.

What are you having?

I am so lucky to have

and

They have filled my life with Starwars, sports equiptment, cars and Legos.

I have also been blessed with

and

They have brought me dress up clothes, babies, princesses, hair fun, and so much chatter.

I hope my next GIRL enriches my life just as much. We can't wait!

Last Sunday night, I was home with the kiddo's in bed, bored with no hubby... and decided I should take advantage of my single girl time and watch a chick flick or two. I didn't want to run to red box (it was Sunday!) so I googled "free movies on line" a list came up and I searched through a few until I found "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock. Watched it (terrible quality) and when I was done, my anti-virus software started going buzzurk! I didn't know exactly what to do so I shut my computer down and went to sleep for the night. Monday morning as soon as I turn on my computer it starts flashing warnings and telling me to fix this and that... I click to have it fixed but the TROJAN virus has taken over not only some of my programs but my inter net.
At this point I don't really know what to do. I don't want to wait until Gentry gets back to Utah to figure it out, so I finally call my brother that lives only three doors down to get his advice. He suggest calling someone in my ward who wanted to help but didn't want me to get my hopes up. After all a virus that shuts down your inter net is serious. My brother also calls a friend who suggests down loading a couple different programs. After an entire evening of trying to purge my computer of all the crap I am back on line! Thank you Chad and Thank you Dan! Hello world.

Baby Baby

I am already feeling better. Just a tough day yesterday.
I haven't announced here yet, but I am pregnant with our fifth baby!
We have a due date and sex (but I am not yet ready to put that on the internet) and we are so excited!
I have gone through the sick stage where I throw up daily and that has subsided. I am so tired now I just need more sleep. But with four others that gets tricky. I am emotional and food just doesn't sound good. I know I need to eat on a more regular basis, to keep my energy up, but I am never "in the mood".
I think I look HUGE for this stage, but I know weight is part of it. I just wish it didn't make me feel like my chest was going to explode or that my bum was too big for my pants. I am not looking forward to stretch marks or water retention.
Since I moved Gentry from a large apartment to a smaller one last week and packed myself and the kids up from the entire summer I think I over did it a bit. Lifting things that were too heavy and not drinking enough is not a good thing any time.
All in all we are happy to be adding to our family. I know it is more stress, more money, more years of sacrifice... but in the end, my children have brought me more joy than anything else. They are worth all the effort I give and even more. A new baby. What a blessing!

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

I had a really really hard day today.
So much is going on and I am feeling completely over whelmed.
Court's first day of school.
Tate's too. (I didn't know until we got there to drop Court off)
He said to me, "Mommy I am going to try and be brave" when I tell him he is going to kindergarten in two minutes.
I cried the whole drive home.
My yard needs so much work that even if I wasn't pregnant, I don't know how I could get it all done. Not to mention that I came home to a next door neighbor that put up a fence between our front yards. This is against the rules of our home owners association, and Gentry and I have had talk after talk with them about not wanting it to go in.
I worry about Gentry while I am away. I don't do anything special, but we need each other.
I am feeling a bit hopeless. I think the baby blues (during pregnancy) have hit.
I feel like there is nothing to look foreword too.
It brings to mind the hymn, "Where Can I Turn for Peace" and in it the answer. To the Lord.
I guess I had better get on my knees because I need to feel His love and support.
My hope is tomorrow is a good day for all.

Missing but still in action

I have been without the Internet for the past while and miss blogging terribly. I have started blogging on Word and will post dating a bunch whenever I get a chance. Just so I have a record of all the fun things we do, because we have been doing so many fun things. I hope you will bear with me until the fall.

I Love My American Girls

I wanted to make sure Joanna got a chance to see Downtown Chicago while here so we headed out with a couple places to hit.

First stop The American Girl store.

Last year when I visited Atlanta we went here and it was so fun to see all the dolls, clothes and accessories. Peaches and Lorali are so cute. They brought their dolls and I wanted to get another matching outfit for Peach and her baby.

As soon as I saw this little dress I knew it would be the one I got and Lorali ended up wanting to match also. After American Girl we went to The Hersey Factory. It was a fun store where the kids played and we all had a snack.

Next stop H and M.

TORNADO WARNING

One crazy storm happened last night.

Apparently there was a tornado warning.

This was the result in our complex.

Half the city lost power for over twelve hours.

I have never experienced a tornado and it makes me nervous.

I hope I never do.

I love Chicago. I do not like tornados.

Jelly Belly Laughs

Joanna and kids are driving from Georgia to Utah and took a detour to Chicago. We are so lucky to benefit from the trip. They got here last night and since my kids were already in bed it was fun for me to have some alone time.
Today we decided to go to the Jelly Belly Factory. It was a blast! They did free tours that we all were able to ride a train and learn all about how Jelly Bellies came to be what they are today. It takes seven to ten days to make one jelly bean. Crazy. After the tour we looked around the store and got a treat.

Happy Birthday Court

Court at ten

For Court's birthday, we tried hard to make it really special for him. Not being in the regular can sometimes be tough, but when it comes to birthdays I think it is SPECTACULAR!!! We went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch and ordered 10 appetizers for us all to taste and get filled on. Court loved the calamari and when he figured out it was little squids, he liked it even more. Then we ordered three cakes (all Court's choice of course) to sing and blow out candles. He loved having so much variety.

Later, we went to our local park and there just happened to be a fair going on so everyone rode some rides, ate hot dogs and nachos and then played on the playground. As it was getting dark we headed home but Gentry took Court for some one on one time to the movie Star Trek. When they got back I asked Court what he thought of his birthday and he said, "Best yet!" I call that success.Peach on the train

Tate on the swings

No hands

As a side note: Tate really wanted to go on his ride until it started. Then he cried and begged for it to stop. I laughed from the ground. Mean mom, I know.

Mt Rushmore

I think it is about time I blogged about the drive. It was long, no getting around that, but we are here and it was worth it. There were some areas in Wyoming that I fell in love with. Then there were some areas that I could do without seeing again. The kids were for the most part were excellent and I didn't fall asleep once.
We stopped at Mt Rushmore and it was beautiful. I couldn't help thinking how that wouldn't be allowed to happen now a days. It seems there are too many opinions out there and some people would object and it could never get past the red tape. Such a shame because it really is a thing of beauty.

Afterward we stopped at a dinner to eat and as I was paying my waitress saw that we were from Utah and asked if we were LDS. I said yes and she got all excited and said she was too. It was interesting for me to experience this. I have lived out of Utah a number of different times and never felt that way about seeing another member. Don’t get me wrong I am always playing “I spy a Mormon” at Disneyland or other major attractions but it is just because I see the signs of garments or BYU shirts. This was more like a total jubilation of “I am not alone.” “There are others out there like me.” I almost fist bumped her as I was leaving. And then I thought why anyone would want to be included in the mess of what we looked liked. A single women with four children, everyone has fuzzy hair from the car seats, energized bodies from lack of moving about, then there was the three trips to the restroom during lunch for pee, then poop, then spill cleanup. It really looks like crazy on the outside. Of course, I wouldn’t trade it but that is because it is MY craziness.
We left Utah Friday afternoon around 3:30 and ended up getting to Chicago on Sunday around 6pm. I am thankful we made it here safe. Loving Chicago so far I have to say. I have so many fun things planned for the summer and I am sure I will post about a lot of it. I hope your summer is a good one.

Tate took this picture of me. LOL

YouTube Clip

Maybe you have all seen this before, but I came across it today and it makes me want to get up and dance and sing.
YouTube Sound of Music
It is four mins and worth my time. :)

Missing Coal

I feel a bit better today.
Our little dog of nine years died Monday after a day of much suffering.
I have had a really tough week because of it.
When we were pulling out of my driveway to start to drive to Chicago last Friday, Peach and Tate were crying begging me not to leave Coal. You wouldn't leave me, why are you leaving Coal? I told them that he was going to have a fun summer with Emily and we would see him when we got back. . .
Court and Tate both have birthdays in the next few days. I can't bring myself to tell everyone the news. I have to be able to talk about it without crying before I talk with the kids about it.
I will miss my furry companion. He really was the best dog. Hyper (and I loved it). Happy. Obedient. Great with the kids. Lazy. And mischievous. Plus I knew he loved me. And what girl can't live without a little more love.

Having a BAD night.
Feeling
d
o
w
n
I hope tomorrow brings sunshine,
for tonight I can't even see the moon.

On the Road Again

Do you like road trips? Today I am on the road.
In many novels often a character will take a physical journey and through events, experiences, trials and other individuals that they meet, they come to the conclusion of being a better person.
I am hoping that by driving 1,408 miles (over 20 hours of time not accounting for stops or traffic) with four kids I will be a better person for it.

One thing is for sure, I know I will be tested.

Pile On

Sometimes it's just about being together

I LOVE MY FAMILY

Suicide

I know this is a touchy subject. I am not trying to offend or even start a discussion, I am simply expressing my thoughts and trying to work this out in my own head. If you may get upset by this, please do not read on.

Nearly half a million attempt suicide every year in the United States, fifty thousand succeed.
In the past two years I have known a few personally that had gone this way. My neighbor down the street hung herself one afternoon while her husband was at work and her kids were at Grandma's. The 19 year old boy across the street from my mother's house in Draper hung himself in the barn while his family was on a weekend get away. My mothers good friends son(between 20 and 25) shot himself in a hotel room in Vegas last summer. A father of five, killed himself while the whole family was visiting his parents in the middle of the night a month or so ago. And an extended family member attempted to overdose on sleeping pills not to long ago.
I don't understand this. On the surface the act of suicide seems like one of great selfishness. It is like the indivual is thinking, "I don't want this pain, so I will make everyone around me suffer so I don't have too."
I know that often in the case of suicide the individual is suffering from depression or some kind of mood disorder. But is this always the case?
This past year I read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. She wrote about a character who is institutionalized because she suffers from depression, seems to get better and ends up taking her own life at the end. The book is semi biographical of Sylvia's own life and death, she was also institutionalized earlier in her life and committed suicide only a month after it was first published. Although this book is was first released in 1963 it still seemed current to me. But I still don't GET it.
Everyone has bad days. That I get. Everyone goes things hard things. But the feeling like suffering will never end, that I don't get. Honestly, I hope I never do.
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I know the purpose of this life is to live a life that will lead me to live in the presence of my Heavenly Father. I wonder how suicide fits into all of that.

I recently read an article by M. Russell Ballard on the subject and it left me with a little more perspective on this subject. Here is some of what he said and quoted:
First, President George Q. Cannon of the First Presidency made a clear statement about the seriousness of suicide when he said: “Man did not create himself. He did not furnish his spirit with a human dwelling place. It is God who created man, both body and spirit. Man has no right, therefore, to destroy that which he had no agency in creating. They who do so are guilty of murder, self-murder it is true; but they are no more justified in killing themselves than they are in killing others. What difference of punishment there is for the two crimes, I do not know; but it is clear that no one can destroy so precious a gift as that of life without incurring a severe penalty.” (Gospel Truth, 2 vols., Salt Lake City: Zion’s Book Store, 1957, 1:30; italics added.)
President Spencer W. Kimball made an equally strong statement in 1976. “It is a terrible criminal act for a person to go out and shorten his life by suicide,” he said. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 187.)
Those statements on their own might seem to leave no room for hope. However, although they stress the seriousness of suicide, the statements do not mention the final destination of those who take their own lives.
“And it is requisite with the justice of God that men should be judged according to their works; and if their works were good in this life, and the desires of their hearts were good, that they should also, at the last day, be restored unto that which is good.” (Alma 41:2–3.)
As I think about the worry and agony of those whose loved one has taken his or her own life, I find deep comfort and faith in the Lord’s promise and blessing to us who remain in mortality: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)

I am grateful for the great plan of salvation our Father in Heaven has provided for us. It is a plan of great fairness and a plan of great love.

GETTING IT DONE

In the last few days, we have gotten the "appointment" thing done.
Pediatrician for Immunizations
Dental Check Ups
Eye Exam
Vet Visit and Shots
Dog Grooming
I think we are about finished. I am wondering if there is anything else I have forgotten. If so, it is almost too late. I am just about off. First I have to get done this list:
Back Yard Weeding Completed
Garage Cleaned Out
OBGYN (Lube and Brakes Checked)
Pick Up Dog Food
D.I. Drop Off
Car Cleaned Inside and Out
Birthday Shopping with Mother
and then the cleaning and ironing so I don't come home to a large list of to dos.

The Summer of Yes

Last night, I had the honor to be with some really incrediable woman. We get together monthly and that is one of the few things I miss when I am away for the summer. I always walk away feeling revitalized and refeshed. I usually think about something from our discussions for days and I always learn something.
Last night I changed because of some things that were said and I will become a better person because of it.
All the women are from different backgrounds and situations. We all have different perspectives. We all respect and love each other. A couple of the women have gone through some major health issues with their kids in the last year or so and what they have learned as one of the most important lessons is to say yes as much as humanly possible to all their children.
"Mom, can I have an after school snack?" Yes. "Mommy can we go to Grandma's today?" Yes. "Mom, can I sign up for basketball?" Yes. "Mom, can I play outside before I do my homework?" Yes. "Mommy, will you play Uno with me?" Yes. "Mommy can we go to the pool today?" Yes. What would it hurt to give in to the children's demands a little more?
I have been of the previous thought that I am the mom. I am the boss. I make the rules and I enforce the rules. But I don't always enjoy that role. I don't like saying no. So I think I am going to try this summer to say yes. Of course everything still need to get done, but if the laundry takes longer to fold because I am reading a book to my kids. Or the dishes are in the sink because someone wanted to make cupcakes. I will be OK with that. I will not have children at home forever, but I will forever define myself as a mother. So by all of my "yes'" I hope that my kids hear, "I love you" because that is what it is all about.

Spring Fever

Spring is such a wonderful time of year. The sun, the breeze, the flowers and trees...

My kids love spending time outside and I do too.

When we moved into this house I was nervous when we started landscaping so many flower beds. After all I hated weeding the strawberries growing up, how was this going to be any better?

Our house in Rhode Island had a ton of beds and plants already in place and we didn't know what we were doing so much so that we let weeds grow to be taller than Court and then liked the big purple thistle flower that bloomed.

Now six years later I have grown to really love it. I love weeding, planting and even pruning.

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I took a couple pictures of the front yard. I just couldn't resist.

Piano Recital

Courtland and Tate had a piano recital Saturday. They did great. I am happy that they are growing to learn and the piano. It makes me happy.

I love that Emily is their teacher. She does a good job and I know no teacher could love her students more.

Easter Pictures

My children are the center of my world. Most everything else is dictated by their needs and what we want for them. So I can't help but post pictures of them. These were taken on Easter.

Isabel is barely a year

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Peaches is 3 1/2

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Tate is almost 5 and believe it or not, this is the best picture we could get of him since all he wants to do is make silly faces

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Court is almost 10

More Teeth Problems

While on a quick trip to Chicago Court calls me to tell me that he has a tooth ache. OK. We will get you an appointment when I get back. Then my mom gets on the phone. No. Court was up till 4:30am with his tooth ache. OH! I guess you will need to call the dentist and get him in right away. They put him on antibiotics and yesterday Gentry took him in... extraction! He had a cavity that got infected. Since it was a baby tooth and you could see the grown up one, in the x-ray, coming in the best thing to do was just to pull it.
So there you go. One less tooth. I am setting up dental appointments for us all next week. Hopefully the worst is over.

Happy Birthday to ME

I am 32! Can't believe it. I remember when I turned 20 thinking 30 was old. Now I feel better than I ever did at 20. I have self confidence, experience, and a knowledge I just couldn't have at 20. I look foreword to 50 when it will be even better. here I am today with no make-up and hair not done- embrace it

For now I will be happy for who I am today. Thirty-two and loving life.

Chicago Dog

Friday April 24th I flew in to Chicago to help out with as much as I could for a couple days. It was good I went, but hard for me to leave since there was so much for me to still get done.

Chicago is known for a number of things. One of which is it's hot dogs. We already found an amazing place we will be going back to all summer long! The atmosphere was cool, the help great, and the food has my mouth watering even now.

Yard work

Gentry started the drive to Chicago yesterday and I look around at all the jobs he didn't get done before he left. I guess I had better get to the yard work since it is one of my favorites. I have all of this to put down along with the weeding and fertilizing. As I start to dig a trench for the bulbs, I come across way more than I had barged for. I pull out all the rocks, barbwire, weeds, a bucket (how did that get in there and we hadn't come across it in the last five years?) and a dead bush.

All the work that I have done is now underground and we will be able to enjoy it all next spring. I am sure it will look beautiful then.

All I Want for Christmas...

Tate and Court were playing in some sand that was on the side of my house on Saturday. They got the hose out and started making dirt clods. Then, once you had dirt clods what else are you going to do then throw them at each other? Ten minutes later I heard screaming. I ran out to see what caused it, Court had thrown one at Tate and it hit him right in the mouth. Now Tate was bleeding and telling me how badly he was hurt. I take him in and start washing out his mouth and notice that his front three teeth are moving with the water. His gums are bruised and two days later he lost two of the three. Luckily the third one stabilized and he should be able to keep it.

I wonder if these boys will make it to adulthood without any permanent scars that they leave on each other. His adult teeth will probably not grow in for a year or two, but it could be worse.

The ironic thing is that they weren't even fighting. It was just a game and both were having tons of fun until the tears. Can you just imagine what they could do if they were mad?

The tooth fairy came and left $5.00 for each tooth that night and Tuesday morning we went to the store for Tate to pick out some toys.